New Chevrolet (!) In Flames or, Drivin' On

And lo! We come to the end of the car crash saga. I (finally) received my check from the ol' Geckotarium for my poor totaled Taurus, and, armed with my miniscule payout, and the sure knowledge that my car rental would cease to be covered the very next day set out on a 24 hr. quest for new wheels. 'Twas an arduous journey fraught with peril (I still lie awake in amazement that I managed to defeat that deadly Exhaust Viper with only a bit of chewed bubblegum, and a stale piece of broken potato chip) but in the end... Victory! I got meself a shiny new (used) van. I actually bought from a dealership (Usually I buy straight from private sellers) so I was a little taken aback at the volume of paperwork. For instance, I had no idea growing a creepy stalker mustache was actually a contractual necessity for van ownership (fortunately I was able to fool the dealer by holding a comb over my upper lip... sucka!). Totally worth it tho', the ability to seat eight people will totally come in handy during my life of near unrelenting solitude. I am beginning to wonder however if it is defective. The gas gauge has been staying steadily at the half tank mark for far longer than seems plausible.... I guess the logical conclusion is that the meter may be broken, but my real concern is that the motor may be powered by something more abstract than mere fuel. Initially I feared it might be powered by something like minutes off my lifespan (At an exchange rate of 70 miles per minute), and that I should perhaps return such a sinister nightmare engine forthwith, but than I realized it could just as easily run off of something benign, like the shattered dreams or orphaned children, so for now I'll hang on to it and try to get to the bottom of this mystery.